sail away ladies

Still Illisconsin-ish after all these years...

2009-09-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
The South
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Hey! This Is My Hometown!!

2008-11-20T23:01:00.000-08:00

Woot!

Joking for a Good Cause

2008-09-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

The message below has appeared many places already, but I'll add another plug in my own little cranny of the internets. Also, if you're not registered to vote, please get on it, especially if you agree with my choices: Vote For Change.

OK, here's the deal. Give a present, express your opnion, and feel good, all in one swell foop:

eeeee

Let's all make a donation to Planned Parenthood. In Sarah Palin's name.

And here's the good part: when you make a donation to PP in her name, they'll send her a card telling her that the donation has been made in her honor. Here's the link to the Planned Parenthood website:

Donate in Sarah's Honor

You'll need to fill in the address to let PP know where to send the "in Sarah Palin's honor" card. I suggest you use the address for the McCain campaign headquarters, which is:

McCain for President
1235 S. Clark Street
1st Floor
Arlington , VA 22202

or Alaska Governor's office address:

Alaska State Capitol Building
Third Floor
P.O. Box 110001
Juneau, AK 99811-0001

PS: Make sure you use that link above or choose the pulldown of Donate--Honorary or Memorial Donations, not the regular "Donate Online".

Aaarrgh

2008-09-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

OK, it's been 10 months since my last confession. Oh so lazy. I feel bad for the folks who stop by here, and I know there are some, for the site meter tells me so. But why are there visitors? Because my pal Lulu occasionally posts my link and what with Lu's site being popular and all, folks see the link and figure there must be something of interest to be found here. My sincere apologies. I may try to remedy that. For the moment, though, I wish one and all a happy Talk Like a Pirate Day. Yarrr.

And a very happy birthday to the entire sisterhood of Sophia.

Help From Bob

2007-11-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

72 Project: Day Twenty-Two

Yes, These Things Are Dumb...

2007-11-12T22:37:00.000-08:00

72 Project: Day Twenty-One

...but I have nothing to post, so I resort to stupidity. For all of you out there who think I am too liberal, here is proof that I am not. In some cases only 75%, which seems like hardly enough at all. I should be ashamed.

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

How Can You Refuse Bonnie Raitt?

2007-10-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

72 Project: Day Twenty

So, maybe I'll try to end my benign neglect of this here blog thingy. Who knows. My two or three readers may have been wondering if this year's 72 Project would end at 19. (Coming next year -- The 19 Project: Slacker's Delight!) Let's see...there are 74 days left in 2007... what are the odds that I will post something on 52 of those days? Stop giggling, Lulu.

But I will post something today. This video is making the rounds, but putting it on here is the very least I can do to help the cause. Watch if you haven't seen it, and spread the word.

Fun Is Frosting

2007-09-20T00:02:00.000-07:00

In honor of the birthdays of Sophia and her mighty sisterhood, I have briefly crawled out from under my rock to offer a little extra shortening, piled high... (First person to deliver me a cake gets bonus points.)

Take Anything You Want

2007-07-11T21:06:00.000-07:00

72 Project: Day Nineteen

If you plan to travel to the States, there are a few phrases that will help you get through the normal day-to-day activities, and make your stay here much more pleasurable. And remember, learning is always easier in an 80's-style aerobics class.

This is Comforting...

2007-07-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

$4390.00

8 Things About Your Mom

2007-07-03T09:41:00.001-07:00

As usual I've been prodded back into the daylight by a friend, tagged with this meme. Basic idea: I tell you 8 fascinating details about me, you are simultaneously awestruck and entertained, and then I retreat back to my cave. But first, I must ask why #1 of the circulated rules (below) is not actually a rule. OK, done. Now on with the show.

THE RULES
1. All right, here are the rules.
2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
3. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
4. People who are tagged write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
5. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

My 8 Random Things:

1. I am not a morning person. I tend to stay up fairly late, often watching the late run of The Daily Show and Colbert Report (midnight and 12:30 here in the Flyover Time Zone) in the comfort of my bed, before falling asleep. So far this bedtime reminder of the state we're in has not caused too many disturbing dreams.

2. I don't drink coffee, but I drink tea all day long. (helpful in maintaining late nights, see above.)

3. I get frequent headaches and believe I am a valued asset to the company that makes Excedrin. Those of you in the back of the room raising your hands: yes, it has been suggested that excessive caffeine (see above) may correlate here, but my empirical evidence disagrees (multi-month caffeine-free experiments only served to make me a cranky person with frequent headaches).

4. I did not have Barbie dolls as a child. My mother felt they were "too developed," and opted for Tammy dolls instead. Tammy was essentially an elongated baby-doll, with round face, chubby cheeks, and the bosom of a toddler. She also came dressed in a stunning ensemble much like the gymsuits we were made to wear in PE.

5. I survived 9 years of parochial school (Lutheran), K-8. It's all been downhill from there.

6. My first concert experience was Jefferson Airplane in Chicago's Grant Park, in August of 1968, one of the last concerts in that park for a long time. I was a month shy of 14. A week or so after that, all hell broke loose, The Chicago Seven became household words, and no large gatherings were allowed in the city, certainly none involving rock and roll and hordes of hippies.

7. I like roadtrips, and will likely hit the road later this month for a drive to a music festival in West Virginia.

8. With a couple of notable exceptions, I am probably not your mom. But you might want to check with yours and see.

Who I'm tagging with this meme:

Here's a problem. The folks I would once have tagged are, like me, neglectful bloggers, and several prime suspects have abandoned their blogs altogether. Others only blog on MySpace, where they have profiles set to 'private.' So I'll break the rules here, and rest assured that the meme will continue floating around the ethers despite my failure to propagate it.

More Fancy Eatin': Thursday's Combo Plate

2007-05-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

72 Project: Day Eighteen

See, Unnamed Committee Member?

2007-05-16T14:23:00.000-07:00

72 Project: Day Seventeen

It is too valid to compare previously unrelated things. Dammit.

Professor Sees Parallels Between Things, Other Things

AUSTIN, TX—University of Texas professor Thom Windham once again furthered the cause of human inquiry in a class lecture Monday, as he...

We Should Have Looked To Elvis For The Answers

2007-05-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

72 Project: Day Sixteen

I always love a good, concise explanation. Take the evolution issue, for instance. Who knew the answer could be found in our own cupboards?

And just to prove how close to god Elvis was/is, consider how his favorite sandwich perfectly melds the evidence demonstrated above with indisputable further proof.

Adventures in Camp

2007-05-14T22:52:00.000-07:00

The 72 Project: Day Fifteen

A few highlights of our weekend in the Jemez mountains.

We met some wildlife. Like this unidentified blue beetle:

And this wee horned toad:

Fingers courtesy of Your Mom's offspring.

We stayed in 5-star accommodations:

No, seriously. This palatial estate is huge in contrast to the backpacker model (categorized as a 2-person, but those 2 persons need to be about the size of the smaller Olson) that had been in use for quite a few years prior to this excursion. Your Mom has finally admitted defeat in the age-of-body/creakiness-of-joints-vs.-size-of-tent battle. At this rate, an RV could be in my future. Heavens.

And we visited my favorite place to see faces in rock walls (other than Labyrinth):

Faces everywhere. No drugs needed. (or maybe it's just me.)

Another Reason Not to Eat Eggs

2007-05-04T11:17:00.000-07:00

The 72 Project: Day Fourteen

Your Mom Answers 5 Questions From StinkyLulu

2007-04-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

Today I am answering a call to participate in a little bloggish interview process, from my pal StinkyLulu across the holler at StinkyLuluSez. You may view StinkyLu's foray into the 5 Questions model here (and eventually perhaps read Miss Lu's responses to the questions I threw back).

StinkyLulu asks:

1: Pie is always good. What pie is best? Explain.

Rhubarb. And not that sickeningly sweet strawberry-rhubarb nonsense, please -- just gimme the rhubarb. I like the raspberry-peach from Flying Star quite well, too. Mincemeat would be a close third (faux mincemeat, the stuff that's all fruit and no actual meat or beef fat, with apologies to strict traditionalists who apparently loves them some suet). In general, I'm a fruit-pie kind of girl, but I also like pumpkin and sweet potato and key lime. And pecan, though only rarely, as the guilt is almost too much to bear. I can pass on the pudding-in-a-crust pies. What's the point of that? How do you put ice cream on it?

Since pie has been a topic in my extended family this week, it's interesting that you asked about it. My dad didn't like cake of any sort, a trait I did not inherit, so we always had pie for his birthday. After he died five years ago we started referring to his birthday - April 30 - as Pie Day. All of us around the country have a piece of pie in his honor, then share with the rest what our particular choices were. A few years ago we of the NM contingent were in WI on Pie Day and went to Perkins with a few of the midwestern family members, since Perkins has a bakery case full of pies. Someone said they might rather get a whole pie instead of a slice, to which someone else said "a-hole pie? sweet." Now a-hole pie is on the family menu. And so it goes. We are a real sophisticated bunch.

2: You are quite the expert on urban legends, missy. What is your all time favorite urban legend cycle? Why?

I'm not sure I have a favorite, exactly, but I suppose I have a few favorite overarching themes. I enjoy the legends that have prompted policy change, stories so widely accepted that entire communities change their behavior in response. Halloween, for example. Trick or treating was forever changed (though maybe the tide will turn) by the various razor-blade/poison/satanic ritual stories, and "safe" alternatives sprouted all over. Or the incendiary cell phones at gas stations. Most pumps now carry the little warning stickers with the red slash over the cartoon phone, despite it never happening. You can't argue with what people think they know.

I also enjoy the crime warnings that reveal race and gender issues without actually mentioning them, and then there's food. Food stories are always good, from establishing clear boundaries between cultural groups (those people eat what??), to the ever-entertaining fast-food horrors.

The UL cycle that really sparked my interested in the genre was a latter-day spin-off of the red velvet cake story, and as a result I have a special fondness for these stories. I was visiting a friend in IL, sometime in the early 80s, and she unveiled a plate of fudge that was pretty spectacular. Despite my misleading appearance, I'm really not a fudge devotee, but this was some darn good fudge. She offered me the recipe, and told the story of how her Aunt Betty's friend had gone to a Fanny May candy store, sampled the fudge, declared it the best she'd ever had, and asked if she could get the recipe. The clerk said "sure, it's two-fifty," and put the amount on her credit card purchase along with the goodies she was buying. When her credit card bill arrived she noticed that the amount charged had been two hundred and fifty dollars, not 2.50, as assumed. She contacted the store, spoke to a series of managers, ultimately being told by a high-level company rep that the charges would stand. So Aunt Betty's friend was now on a mission to spread the expensive recipe far and wide, to prevent the greedy company from overcharging other unsuspecting customers. My friend then copied the recipe onto an index card for me.

Eight or ten years later I was in the same friend's kitchen, and was offered perhaps the best chocolate chip cookies ever. While I was marveling over their buttery goodness, my friend began to relate the fateful story of how her Aunt Betty's friend had acquired this costly recipe from the Mrs. Fields cookie store... Having a reasonably clear memory back then, I asked her if that was not the very same friend of Aunt Betty's who had ended up in the very same predicament with Fannie May Fudge only a decade earlier. She remarked that Aunt Betty's friend was a real character, always finding herself in the middle of something crazy. But for me, a fascination with contemporary (aka urban) legends was born. And I got a fabulous cookie recipe out of it (really - much better than the Neiman-Marcus version version of the story that's been circulating since the 90s. Write me for a copy.)

3: How'd you start with that fiddlin'?

Thank you for not asking when I would stop with that fiddlin'. Because that would have been sad.

I think my first moments of string band intrigue and fiddle envy happened when I was in high school and saw some folks at a small coffee house playing fiddle, guitar, and upright bass. By the end of high school and thereafter I listened to a lot of music of no set style that featured fiddle -- old-time Appalachian, bluegrass, western swing, early country -- whatever I could find in record stores and the library. I didn't buy my first fiddle until I was 19, when I acquired a clunky old thing from an 80-some-year-old guy in my hometown, who had rebuilt it himself. I never learned to play it, partly because I didn't know anyone who played (I don't think there was a violin teacher of any stripe in my tiny town) and wasn't able to figure out what to do on my own. It was years later before I knew enough to understand that the fiddle hadn't been properly set up, and despite how very proud the old feller I bought it from was of his handiwork, he had essentially made it unplayable. So it sat untouched for many years. Then at parent night for Younger Daughter's first grade class I was chatting with a dad who revealed that he played a bit, and I mentioned my sad saga. He said something on the order of "you've wanted to learn to fiddle for 15 years and haven't done it?"...which prompted me to feel like a complete moron for not having somehow made it happen. But by then I was finally in a place where I was meeting some people who played, and could learn more "naturally" by listening and watching. And that was the turning point. I found a playable fiddle, took about 4 lessons with a good fiddler, then started hanging out with the local old-time crowd and sitting in at jams, letting it all sort of sink in. It's still sinking, but now I even make a little money with it.

Your Mom in action.

4: Imagine that you are guaranteed a millionbazilliongajillion dollars if you agree to participate as a "contestant" on a reality tv program? Which reality tv show do you choose to go on? Why?

It would be a new hybrid show, working title "America's Next Starting Over Shear Runway," wherein Iyanla and Tyra put housemates through elaborate therapy sessions involving the creation of couture jogging suits for the other ladies of the house, and performing fabulous makeovers on all the incoming victims, er, housemates, prior to their backstory reveal on the plasma. Oh yes, it will be good.

5: Detail the menu of a typical Sunday dinner at your house when you were nine years old. Be sure to include your feelings about each item. Photos not necessary but strongly encouraged.

Sunday dinners were usually of two sorts; the dinner with company, since Sunday was the big day for relatives visiting, and the just-the-folks-at-home-watching-Lassie meals. The Lassie meals were simpler, along the lines of grilled cheese sandwiches and soup (canned soup, likely Campbell's vegetable or tomato, and My Mom's special kind of grilled cheese, which consisted of open-faced hamburger buns topped with a slice of American cheese and a strip of bacon, then put under the broiler until the cheese starts to make big brown bubbles). Company dinners were more elaborate, with the wimminfolk cooking up a storm in the kitchen while the men made sure the TV was working properly. Those meals were always built around the ubiquitous meat and potatoes, with a fairly standard array of side dishes.

Here's a basic menu:
Meat, usually roast beef or chicken, piled on a platter.
Potatoes, usually mashed, occasionally boiled.
Gravy.
Canned vegetables, most likely peas, green beans, or corn.
Relish tray, with celery, carrots, and black olives.
Bread, usually white, and
margarine, not butter.
Jello.
Which should not be confused with dessert, altogether different.
See question number one.

A jello mold was a frequent addition, and here's where the midwesternness really goes to town. The jello flavors of choice were most often red (cherry? strawberry?), orange (orange?), or yellow (lemon? disinfectant?), with various things mixed in. One family favorite was "Sunshine Salad," which was lemon jello with grated carrots and crushed pineapple. Red jello molds contained things like chopped apples and nuts. The mold was normally a ring, which would be plopped out onto a plate. The center of the ring would then hold a bowl of ...no, not whipped cream... Miracle Whip. The jello was a salad; Miracle Whip is salad dressing. The salad dressing was to be dolloped on top of the jello as desired, once served to your plate. I have rarely met other folks from outside the midwest who think of this as food. But naturally, on the rare occasions I eat jello as an adult, I feel it is naked with the proper dollop.

I couldn't find a dinner photo from the precise era you requested, but I did come across one from a few years later -- seven, to be exact (making Your Mom a very sweet 16). Some of the decor was a little different at that point, although the table was in the same location. More to the point, however, is the food on the table, which is remarkably similar to a Sunday dinner with relatives throughout my childhood. The photo is actually a holiday meal, Thanksgiving 1970 (the date on the border says Feb 71, but My Mom was always a few months behind in mailing off film). While the menu is specific in some ways to that holiday, the framework remains in place.

Looking around the photo you can see: the platter of sliced turkey (being passed at left side), bowl of stuffing (we called it dressing), some sort of mushy canned vegetable (green beans?), stacks of white bread and a nearby stick of margarine, the gravy boat, a bowl of something I can only assume is beets (blechh), a relish tray, a couple different kinds of cranberry sauce, and a red jello mold with trusty bowl of Miracle Whip in the center (right side). I don't see any yams, which strikes me as an unusual omission. Seems like we would typically have some yams around.

Everything is pale and pasty, except for the red things, most of which are largely sugar (god knows what's actually in beets). The most startling thing to my current eyes is the amount of milk on the table. Milk was the default beverage when I was growing up, being farm country and all, but I was not a fan. Well-intentioned female relatives (who were of course in charge of the food and table prep), my mother included, always poured a glass for everyone, regardless of personal wishes to the contrary. I hope milk was a lot cheaper then, since probably quite a bit was thrown away by those of us who opted out. One thing you can't see in the photo: the adjacent kids' table, where the assorted nieces and nephews (and their moms) were parked (and maybe some yams?).

How did I feel about these foods? Well, I was not a big meat eater, but didn't mind chicken and turkey, especially if there was gravy involved. And what's not to like about potatoes? Especially if there's gravy involved. But the other stuff that passed for veggies at our house was sort of sad. Canned, mushy, mostly colorless. I didn't know what a brussels sprout was until I was 18. The relish tray was my mom's attempt at expanding our contact with veggies a wee bit, although black olives probably shouldn't count. I could leave the white bread on the table without much trouble. But the jello was good. Most of these foods fall into the comfort category, and they do sometimes feel comfortable, although I have altered all my old favorites to incorporate a little flavor. My relatives would not approve.

The food itself doesn't bring out a big emotional response, but those big family dinners were almost always a good time. There were a couple of difficult personalities around occasionally, some weird in-law types we would try not to yell at. Overall, though, my memories of those Sunday (and holiday) dinners are full of love and laughter, despite the bland food.

And here is a photo from the era you requested, of what happened after dinner. Behold Your Mom, age nine (standing on a stool, as she was not yet model-tall and willowy), performing the cowgirl cleanup.

Thanks for the good questions, StinkyLulu! (Even if this did take me FOREVER!) If any others of my three readers have 5 questions, fire away. (Or request some from me.)

Geological Contractions

2007-04-25T14:51:00.000-07:00

The 72 Project: Day Thirteen

While driving back from Moab, UT, I found myself both amused and baffled by this. (Click photo to enlarge.) I know what they had in mind, and yet...

Yes, I am something of a crusty grammarian.

And This Is Where I Will Be Cheating A Little

2007-04-18T13:48:00.000-07:00

The 72 Project: Days Four Through Twelve

In the spirit of those wee little chunks of tropical fruit, here are a few tidbits from my recently ended (more's the pity) Pacific adventure. Roughly corresponding to the actual days on the island, I'm counting each tidbit as a "project day," because I can.

Your Mom wasn't entirely sure she would like Waikiki, having heard it was tourist-packed and very commercial. And while it was both of those things, waking up to this view was surprisingly tolerable.

Hotel lobby: growing pineapples in captivity.

As a desert dweller I'm fairly familiar with particular kinds of fauna: centipedes and scorpions, sure; jellyfish, not so much. Who knew that box jellyfish invade the south shores of Oahu nine days after every full moon? Despite the warning signs dotting the beaches on those days, there were nearly as many swimmers and surfers in the water as on the jelly-free days. The invasions last 2-3 days, and because visitors don't want to lose precious beach time on their all too brief vacations, there are lots of victims. 160 people were treated for stings on the first 'jelly day.' Wise and elderly as she is, Your Mom chose to watch from a safe distance.

One of Waikiki Beach's requisite parrots.

Other birds provide excitement at the many outdoor eateries.

On the other side of the island, life is somewhat less cosmopolitan. (Click photo to enlarge.) We didn't venture inside, so I cannot say if the store lives up to its name. There's a roadside memorial at the lower right hand corner of the photo, one of several I spotted, all at least as elaborate than those here in NM.

Sugar mill ruins on the windward side. Lost fans might recognize the area; Hurley's golf course was filmed nearby.

We hiked the Leptospirosis trail.

One of many inviting north shore beaches. This is the sort of image that will haunt Your Mom for months to come. She's such a sucker for sand without goatheads.

Where I've Been

2007-03-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

The 72 Project: Day Three

Grading Papers, best method.

Departmental bullshit. 'Nuff said.

Allergies.

But on the plus side: trotting out the big fiddle more often, tearing up fingers more as a result (seriously massive strings). Good anger management therapy -- more fun than a punching bag.

Right On Schedule

2007-02-25T13:13:00.000-08:00

Day Two of the 72 Project.

Company for breakfast.

The 72 Project: Setting A Low Bar

2007-02-06T17:41:00.000-08:00

I've been enjoying various folks' 365 Projects -- a photo/image/tune/song/poem/short story/etc. a day -- the past couple of years and occasionally entertain notions of doing one of my own. Given my apparent inability to regularly post anything at all on here, however, it always seemed an unlikely endeavor. So I'm going to attempt a modified version, the 72 Project. I figure that since I've had this blog for two years now, largely ignoring it, and have posted a whopping 53 times, which ends up being an average of 7.25% of the days in those two years (who said I can't do math), I could probably commit to keeping up that pace, at the very least. Yes, 7.25% is an embarrassingly low number, even for me, so I've decided to aim high, closer to 20% (which would technically be 73 days, but Your Mom's from the class of '72...and it contains digits of the low percentage, so 72 it shall be). Radical, I know. I'm worn out thinking about it.

So, consider this Day One. The entry: a roadside attraction in Aztec, NM, photographed on a fine, sunny Sunday in February (the one that happened two days ago). I'd been meaning to take a picture of that for a long time.

My Life In Shuffle Play

2007-01-21T08:33:00.000-08:00

OK. I've been tapped on the virtual shoulder by a meme-bearing LuLu, so I will take a stab at playing along. Those who know me will expect as much, but a word of explanation to others who stumble across this: my iTunes collection, the source material for this little meme, is full to the brim with old-time Appalachian fiddle tunes and other semi-obscure nonsense. So, in order to provide links, I confess that I've skipped titles appearing in the shuffle that are field recordings and the like, recognizable to the small number of similarly afflicted souls, but fairly inaccessible and less fun in a situation like this where folks might like to sample the sounds. I think of it as cheating in a good way. (The biggest surprise is that so many non-fiddle tunes eventually showed up in the shuffle. It's actually not a bad representation.)

See a somewhat more fabulous example of this meme here.

The Movie Soundtrack of Your Life!

The meme asks: If your life is a movie, what songs are on the soundtrack?

How to play:

1. Open iTunes
2. Put it on shuffle and press play
3. For every stock movie scene listed, note the song that's playing
4. Make up a title
5. Choose cast

So, here it is: my life in shuffle play.

Title
National Lampoon's Hillbilly Vacation

Starring

Obviously we'll need someone tall, stunningly beautiful, and surprising in her talents and intellectual capacity. Yes, Brooke Shields shall play me. Members of Your Mom's atomic family shall be played by George Clooney, Kate Winslet, and Drew Barrymore.

The Songs

Opening Credits:

Atomic City Rythm Rascals - Jessica's Waltz
Sweet, romantic, with dark threatening overtones. The titles are spelled out in M&M's.

Waking Up:

Foghorn String Band - Charlie and Nellie
An old ballad of love gone wrong. Doesn't everyone arise to these?

First Day At School:

Rayna Gellert & Friends - Where's That Preacher With The Rabbi's Wife
Well, I did go to parochial school.

Falling In Love:

Bruce Molsky - Poor Man's Troubles
Does this mean I was high-maintenance?

Fight Song:

Magnolia Sisters - 'Tit Mamou
Apparently when I get tough it's in French.

Breaking Up:

The Beatles - Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except For Me And My Monkey
Seriously, put that thing away and leave me alone.

Prom:

Holy Modal Rounders - Half A Mind
I had half a mind to go to prom, but only went to the afterparty. And I suppose it was this sort of thing that influenced my decision.

Life:

Troublesome Creek String Band - I'm Going to the West
True dat.

Mental Breakdown:

The Be Good Tanyas - Ship Out On The Sea
Ship out on the sea is probably preferable to crazy bitch out in the living room.

Driving:

Louis Prima - Baby, Won't You Please Come Home
Have gas, will flee.

Flashback:

The Shangri Las - Remember (Walkin' In The Sand)
Ooooh. Spooky.

Wedding:

Joe Cocker - Feeling Alright
Again, not a bad selection.

Birth of Child:

Tim O'Brien - The Drunkard's Hiccups
I was not drunk, I swear.

Final Battle:

Mark Simos - Luther/The Last Straw
I really don't enjoy the concept of losing, so let's just say that instead of engaging in battle, I stepped out to listen to this great medley, with its fine transition.

Death Scene:

Rachid Taha - Habina
Death scenes are best handled in a language one does not speak.

Funeral Song:

Cat Power - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
Word.

End Credit:

Ry Cooder - Tamp 'Em Up Solid
Nice, sweet, rolling little number to walk out of the multiplex with, and on out the door, thinking about what's still open where you can get a decent latté and maybe a slab of pie, and ooooh one of those cowgirl cookies... what? someone's life story? oh yeah, it was, uh, kinda boring.

Wow! That Explains Everything!!

2006-12-12T13:32:00.000-08:00

As soon as I stop laughing, I'll tell you where to find the answer to all of our social ills.

Whew. OK, here.

The Peace Debate, Or, Another Reason to Love Durango

2006-12-05T12:09:00.000-08:00

Peace became an offensive concept this past week in Pagosa Springs, CO, at least when it comes to holiday decorating. The wreath incident has gotten decent press, and if nothing else, it serves to draw unflattering attention to the dimwitted folks who claimed the peace-symbol wreath is anti-american, anti-christ, pro-terrorist, blahblahblah.

Well, Your Mom spent the weekend in neighboring Durango and happened to pick up a Sunday paper (the Durango Herald) on the way into the local greasy spoon for breakfast. Inside, on the front page of Section C, was this:

The backside of this page was blank, and the editorial featured at the top of the next page offered this explanation. At the risk of copyright infringement, here's the opening statement:

Peace on Earth

Wreath is a reminder of a message

Inspired by events in the news last week, the Herald's Opinion section begins today with a full-page reproduction of a Christmas wreath in the shape of the peace symbol. The backing page has been left blank so that readers can display the wreath without other text or ads showing through.

Read full article here.

Truly heartwarming. I don't know if the Herald is considered to be one of the so-called "liberal media," but it sure rates a pat on the back for being sensible. It's a bit chilly up there, but it felt mighty warm reading that paper.

At Least The Rest of the Country...

2006-11-10T10:06:00.000-08:00

...got its collective head out of its ass. WTF, NM? The Fat Lady has not yet sung, 3 days after the election here in district one, though I do expect the worst. How half the people in this district find Wilson worthy of their vote is beyond me.

Yes, the votes are still being counted, with 4 or 5 thousand machine-rejected and provisional ballots left to go. And naturally, if you have a 1600-vote lead with 5,000 left to count, the right thing to do is make a victory speech. Way to grab the bull by the balls, Heather.

Thankfully, there were some swell moments watching the other returns. Like this one. Overall, a heartwarming and faith-in-humanity-restoring sort of paradigm shift has occurred. And your mom is grateful.

I Loves Me Some Betty Bowers

2006-10-31T20:40:00.000-08:00

And the special Halloween/Election edition of the B.B. newsletter. Praise Jesus.

And I Thought Jeffrey Was Bad

2006-10-30T22:01:00.000-08:00

Woe is me. I am simply floundering in a world bereft of useful television commercials to guide my daily purchases and food choices. What's a girl to do? Where have all the tampons gone? All the fast food and household disinfectant? E.D., anyone? Did the need for Viagra suddenly vanish? Apparently we the people are expected to make our buying decisions on our own while all our typically helpful and instructive ad time is taken up by Heather and "Mrs. Madrid" (as Rep. Wilson likes to call her).

OK, I jest a little, but seriously, how much more of this can we handle? November 7th is a full week away, and those of us with a television habit risk permanent cerebral damage. Listening to Wilson is torture (something those of her party certainly embrace, so no surprise there), akin to playing a speech by Worf in his native Klingon, backwards (and with something really slimy in his throat - a couple of large oysters, perhaps). But worse. So much worse. It's bad television, for sure. If the whole thing weren't so darn scary it would almost be amusing.

Please, New Mexico, don't subject the world to another term.

So Much for Unraveling the Frilly Neck Script

2006-10-18T22:45:00.000-07:00

But can't you just picture Your Mom in that little green and white striped number?

Better Hurry

2006-10-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

Frozen custard like no other... should inspire one and all to boldly go where no tastebuds have gone before. You first.

See?

2006-10-04T21:48:00.000-07:00

Too old to update.

Another Year, Another Dollar...

2006-09-20T18:05:00.000-07:00

Name two kinds of grown-ups who don't make much money. Not counting custodians, migrant farm workers, folks at the drive-up window... ok, I admit lots of people fall into that category. But days like today, or more to the point, days leading up to days like today, make me re-question my career choices (if any). As LuLu points out, I am a member of the Sophia Sisterhood, who collectively acknowledged the passing of another year today. Another year closer to really-old age, another year closer to learning once and for all that adjunct academentia and occasional fiddling gigs pay fewer bills than you might imagine. Where did I take the wrong turn? Would law school really have been such a bad idea? Someone please tell that stupid clock to stop ticking so loudly.

Do I love birthdays? Ah, let me count the ways.

I should have stuck to this:

Your Mom indifferently enjoying someone else's birthday. So much easier.

Ack!

2006-09-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

Enough with the Jeffrey already. Geez.

You know that story about the lady who always wears a ribbon tied around her neck? A green ribbon? And someone eventually unties it? And her head falls off? Wonder if something similar would work with Jeffrey's neck. Unravel the annoying frilly script...et voila!

Ack!

2006-08-21T22:26:00.000-07:00

Enough with the rain already. Geez.

An Oldies Update

2006-07-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

As I was looking on youtube the other day for something entirely unrelated, I stumbled upon this old Bill Plympton gem. Well, old if you think 1989 was a very long time ago. Some of Your Mom's family vehicles are older. Like the one out back that's wanting to become a chicken coop, for instance. But I digress. Partly so I can find it easily later, and partly because it's just cool and creepy, here's today's film reel.

How To Kiss

Fancy Eatin,' Another Installment

2006-07-12T22:11:00.000-07:00

Butterfinger fish fry. It's what's for dinner.

The Movies Your Mom Has Seen The Most

2006-06-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

OK, so it's pretty clear. Your Mom likes B movies. B comedies, more specifically. In answer to LuLu's call to reveal our most-watched movies, I've assembled my list of the movies I've intentionally watched too many times to count. The following movies fall into an even-more-specific category; these are the ones I will stop what I'm doing (for the most part) and watch, even if I happen onto them midway through while channel surfing. This is not a top 6, or even a top 10. But hey, 12-ish is about as narrowed down as I can get. In no rigid order:

The Princess Bride
Possibly my all-time favorite movie, though I suppose it would depend on when you ask me. On the days I'm only mostly dead, I'd probably say this one.

Young Frankenstein
Put. The candle. Back.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Source of my family's favorite holiday mealtime prayer: (Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one) And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

Animal House
My own inner slacker and academic nose-thumber, combined with a visit to my older brother's frat house at an impressionable age in the early 60's, make me rather fond of this one.

The Blues Brothers
Your Mom is from Illinois. Even as a law-abiding citizen, it's awfully amusing to watch a gazillion IL law enforcement vehicles getting smashed/crashed/piled-up/destroyed, so relentlessly. Not to mention: Cab Calloway.

Ghostbusters 1 & 2
It's true. I am drippings with goo.

Groundhog Day
To world peace. And charming little Woodstock.

The Life of Brian
Blessed are the cheesemakers.

The Sting
Just a class act.

So I Married an Axe Murderer
Funny lines, great shots of my favorite city. So sue me.

Christopher Guest's Mockumentaries
So dead on, so funny, so compelling, so brilliant.

Fred & Ginger in almost anything
This boxed set represents Top Hat, Swing Time, Follow the Fleet, Shall We Dance, and The Barkleys of Broadway. Along with Fred and Ginger, I will happily watch anything with frequent costars Edward Everett Horton and Helen Broderick.

There are also the perennial favorites: Willy Wonka, Wizard of Oz, Sound of Music, Yellow Submarine... and holiday standards: Christmas Vacation, It's a Wonderful Life, Holiday Inn... a nearly impossible task, really. But there you go.

10 @ 10

2006-06-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a longlong time since I've been here to follow LuLu's meme-ish lead, but I'm momentarily back and ready to share my own cultural autobiography of Your Mom at age ten. ...At least those aspects represented on YouTube.

Don't be misled here. Your Mom was ten years old, not even close to Hamm's-drinking age, but the jingle herein was ubiquitous throughout my midwestern childhood.

Hamm's Beer

2006-06-23T16:59:00.000-07:00

First "grown-up" movie I saw in a theater

2006-06-23T16:26:00.000-07:00

Flatt & Scruggs on the Beverly Hillbillies

2006-06-23T16:10:00.000-07:00

The world was very wrong

2006-06-23T14:29:00.000-07:00

Bewitched First Episode Introduction

2006-06-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

Trix commercial from 1964

2006-06-23T14:16:00.000-07:00

Rolling Stones: Around and Around

2006-06-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

Classic Political Ad: Daisy Girl (1964)

2006-06-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

All My Loving - The Beatles at The Hollywood Bowl 1964

2006-06-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

Paul McCartney David Frost Interview

Longing for Combustible Comestibles...

2006-04-26T22:23:00.000-07:00

Ah, just reading this story in the Onion today made me hungry. But not just any kind of hungry. No, I wanted that special comfort found in a tasty pork tenderloin sandwich and cheddar fries from my favorite Midwestern purveyor of fine fast food. It's a long drive for lunch from Nuevo Mexico, but a girl can dream. And if I couldn't get the salty pork and cheesy taters combo to warm my heart, the special of the day at another local hotspot always holds promise. Take, for example, this fine offering:

You might be thinking that shrimp and marshmallow don't mix well. Ha! They don't call it Culver's Frozen Custard ButterBurgers for nothing.

So...Where Was I?

2006-04-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

I'm really bad at blogging, there's no doubt about it. Nothing of interest to say, no cleverness to speak of, certainly not lately, if ever. But since my much younger and handsomer twin, LuLu, has become so mind-bloggingly famous, and has a link to this vacuous waste of bandwidth, I occasionally feel a twinge of shame for having nothing to offer visitors directed here from there. Just sayin'.

So here's a little something. As a buxom counterpart to the "LuLu", I recommend these. Your Mom adores a daring unzipper.

Out of Hiding for a Moment

2006-02-13T11:35:00.000-08:00

I was all set to not like this Brokeback parody when I saw the link in a forwarded email, having found the original both deeply touching and crushingly sad... but it's actually very sweet. Someone's project for a 'Queering Pop Culture' course, perhaps?

Shamed Into Posting

2005-12-20T18:06:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a while. Having emerged from a short but busy semester only mildly scathed, I am once again gainfully unemployed and able to play well with others. And one of the others has publicly tagged me with a meme, which has brought me out of hiding. Herewith, my fascinating response:

THE "ON ALL FOURS" MEME

Four jobs you've had in your life
- College Pseudo-Professorette
- Second Fiddler
- Giraffe Ride-on-Toy Seat Silkscreener
- Green Giant Pea Inspector

Four movies you could watch over and over (and have)
- Monty Python & the Holy Grail
- Blues Brothers
- Princess Bride
- Top Hat

Four places you've lived
- Under the Reign of the Beneficent King George
- Various, NM
- Bay Area, CA
- Small Town, IL

Four TV shows you love to watch
- Starting Over
- Days of Our Lives
- What Not to Wear
- The Daily Show

Four "pop phrases" you loathe
- Dude
- HOO-rah
- Bling
- Intelligent design

Four places you've been on vacation
- Maui
- NYC
- Wisconsin
- Clifftop, WV

Four websites you visit daily
- Go Fug Yourself
- StinkyLulu Sez (OK, maybe not every day, or I would have seen that he tagged me sooner)
- New Mexico Folk Music & Dance Society
- Urban Legends Reference Pages

Four of your favorite foods
- Pasta
- Kalamata Olives
- Pasta with Olives
- Cookies

Four places you'd rather be right now
- On a beach (South Pacific or Caribbean, not Tingley)
- Florence
- Greek Islands
- In my own house, but a cleaned-up and freshly painted version, maybe with some new furniture

Four Blogs you've tagged with this meme
- Monkey Stuff
- Some Other Things
- Them's A Good Mountain (if StinkyLu & I both tag him, maybe he'll do it)
- The Family Blog

The Nerve

2005-10-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

What I Do On My Day Off

2005-10-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

Your Mom has had a long couple of weeks, fighting the dragon that would be the University, but it is officially time for a day off. To celebrate a break from logistics nightmares and the sea of yellow card requests, today Your Mom has been drifting along the blogoverse, playing mah jong, and otherwise creating vegetables where brain cells once lived. Yay!

Just for shits and giggles, here's another in the many useless quizzies found on some random blog: a little something entitled "Which religion is the right one for you?"...results of which will mostly come as no big surprise to anyone. The questions in the quiz demonstrate some of the inherent problems of designing these things without loading subtle and not-so-subtle bias into the questions. As an example, one question, to which you respond in a range from agree to disagree, says "men and women are equal in the eyes of God." How does an atheist correctly answer that? Hmmm? Anyway, here are my results. Why Satanism ranks above agnosticism is a mystery. Didn't know I had it in me.

You scored as atheism. You are... an atheist, though you probably already knew this. Also, you probably have several people praying daily for your soul.

Instead of simply being "nonreligious," atheists strongly believe in the lack of existence of a higher being, or God.

atheism

79%

Paganism

63%

Satanism

54%

agnosticism

54%

Islam

50%

Buddhism

42%

Judaism

25%

Christianity

21%

Hinduism

21%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

The Reluctant Academic

2005-10-06T16:22:00.000-07:00

Why, oh why do I always dread the beginning of a new class? (No, this is not a rhetorical question; extra credit will be awarded for insightful answers.) How can performance anxiety still be such an annoying presence after six years? (Again, not rhetorical.) And how do you spell AARRRGGH*#@%$!!!! (Never mind, think I got it.)

The second-half-of-the-semester course I had been pretending was still way off in "the future" begins in just over a week, and now a new section is being added. For someone who is in complete denial, having a new class to try to ignore at this late date is just so...rude. I suppose some people would find this an enviable position to be in. (Some people also think eating liver is a good idea. Some people are clearly not to be trusted.) It's not that I'm inflexible. I can duck when shit is thrown at me, and just ask me about multitasking -- boy howdy can this girl multitask, especially if it involves managing several instant messaging windows, a game of snood, a bunch of highly crucial emails, and some iTunes playlist creating, while also grading papers. But now there are twice as many performances to produce, twice the opportunity for my cowardice to replace my normally sparkling wit and fascinating intellect. (Only a slight exaggeration, that.) Twice the anxiety, half the enthusiasm. Yeeha.

One Might Suppose That If StinkyLuLu Jumped Off A Cliff, Your Mom Would, Too.

2005-10-03T23:22:00.000-07:00

As a matter of fact, there are many things StinkyLu does, that Your Mom does not. This, however, is not one of those.

Herewith, my results in the politics testie mentioned over at LuLu's place. The photo montage showed me placed similarly, on Ghandi's right shoulder, just over Hillary's heart. Oh, for sweet.

You are a
Social Liberal
(80% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(18% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Twiplets Live It Up

2005-09-20T22:52:00.000-07:00

As posted on StinkyLuLuSez, today is/was the annual Sophia glamourfest, otherwise known as the twiplets' birthday. Yes, there are others who share the day (let us not forget Jelly Roll Morton), but really, it comes down to the three of us.

In honor of the day, here's a little trip back in time to a past party. As usual, Sophia was startled by the rather pedestrian presentation of gifts. StinkyLu, on the other hand, is just sittin' pretty, patiently awaiting his turn. Naturally, your mom got to go first.

Mocha Delight

2005-09-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen or heard any comments about it yet, but is anyone else amused by Dairy Queen's most recent ad? It features a young woman who has lost her beloved cat, Muffin (permanently, it would seem), sitting at an outside table grieving over DQ's new coffee treat. Her male friend comes to offer condolence, and they stand there in a touching embrace (or at least it would be touching if he wasn't completely focused on getting some of the tasty treat), with the product held at an improbable but highly visible angle. Nothing terribly remarkable, except that she's a fairly light-skinned Black woman, holding a "MooLatté." I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

A Story Destined To End Badly...

2005-09-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

There are trainwrecks, and then there are trainwrecks. Whatever that means. Some you just hafta watch, and some you see coming from such a long way off that you get to watch for quite a while. One local trainwreck finally ended, fairly predictably, this past week on a street in an otherwise quiet neighborhood, where one man had made it his life's work/obsession to protect his property and family from, well, almost anyone who happened to walk, bike, or drive by. His name was Glenn Lewis, though nearly everyone familiar with the story called him Crazy Larry.

I had no knowledge of Crazy Larry until several years ago, when students in my first urban legends class began talking about him. We were discussing legend ostension (the acting out of legends, to varying degrees), and legend-tripping (that largely ritual practice of venturing to some location where "things happen," so those things can happen to you and your pals), and across the classroom, many of the 50+ students chimed in with similar comments of a popular local legend/site. Most who went to local high schools were either Crazy-Larry-legend-trip survivors, or had at least heard one of the numerous stories about him. After 8 iterations of this same class, I've now heard the stories repeated by a couple hundred students.

While lots, if not most, of such stories are only loosely based on fact, if at all (like the "old insane asylum" down on Edith, where, if you stand in just the right spot, you can hear the screams from the residents who burned to death in the tragic fire many years ago... ...but it's actually a former small nursing home, vacant and decaying for many years, and now the site of frequent vandalism, fires, etc.), the legend about C.L. was, in large part, true.

The legend: drive by a particular house on Marilyn Ave. up in the heights, day or night, and the crazy guy who lives there (Crazy Larry, also occasionally known as Marilyn Man) will run out hollering at you, maybe brandishing a weapon, perhaps banging on your car with a bat or large flashlight. Live through it, and you have bragging rights, possibly some dents or broken windows, and a common bond with young people all over the city.

OK, so this legend's true (or this much of it). Why did he do it? Well, mental health is clearly the main issue, but that's too easy, and makes for an awfully short story. In the need to explain things like this in a more interesting way, elaborate back-stories develop. The 2 main themes I've heard from students in my UL classes over the years are 1) that he's a Vietnam vet who came home traumatized and has never been normal again, and 2) that years ago his teenage daughter was abducted or raped or murdered (or murdered and dismembered, etc.) by some adolescent male who picked her up at the house for a date. In the first story, anyone could be the target of his obsessive surveillance and threatening behavior, if they came too close to his bunker. In the second, teenage boys became the suspects, arriving in cars to harm his family.

The reality was that anyone was fair game, though adolescents were the most likely to seek out the experience. His obsession escalated over time from yelling and approaching cars that passed too slowly...to roadblocks...to spotlights...to video cameras installed in peepholes in the garage door and windows. People in the neighborhood were afraid to let their kids walk by his house on their way to the nearby elementary school, assuming he might one day snap beyond his usual, and mow the kids down with an automatic weapon.

Last weekend, one of C.L.'s teen-boy suspects mowed him down with a truck, apparently after he ran out to yell at the kid and pound on the hood. The initial news accounts portrayed a hero who would protect his family and neighbors to the death against the "turf war" with neighborhood teens. I have no idea what really happened, or how much prior mutual harrassment might have occurred between C.L and teen-boy, but I do know that this process, minus the running over of Crazy Larry, and his subsequent death, played out hundreds (thousands?) of times over the last 10-15 years (maybe 20, by some counts). Was it wise or fair for people to drive by to see if they could provoke the crazy person? Probably not. But the surveillance obsession was clearly a lifestyle choice for C.L. It was working for him quite well, and moving elsewhere or letting the process fade away was apparently not as rewarding. A man's gotta live for something.

Now he can live on in even greater legend status, and the media can claim a hero has been lost, rather than using the opporunity to discuss, oh, I don't know, mental health, maybe. And teen-boy is charged with murder. As I said, it was destined to end badly.

Which is why they call these things memes...

2005-08-31T12:05:00.000-07:00

Not one for original ideas lately, I have decided to play along with the "mindless piddling" to be found over on StinkyLuLuSez. Your mom always looks to LuLu to tell her what to do. You should, too.

Here's the deal: you can follow the links in LuLu's post entitled "StinkyLulu's Bad Taste in Music Meme" to see other examples, or go directly to this page, scroll down to the bottom where it lists "Top 100 Songs," choose the year you escaped from high school, then copy/paste/mangle the list to reflect your once-exquisite taste in music. Basic rules: bold the titles you liked, and strike out the ones you didn't. Naturally, I feel there are many shades of grey in everything, so I must complicate the process. Titles I liked quite well are now deep crimson; those I liked but didn't luuuvv are left alone; those I didn't like are crossed out; songs I can honestly say I never knew existed are striked and faded to a paler shade of grey.

These ratings are based on how I think I felt about the songs waaay back then. But a whole lotta time has passed, and memory being fallible and all... well, take that into account.

1. ~~The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, Roberta Flack~~
2. ~~Alone Again (Naturally), Gilbert O'Sullivan~~
3. ~~American Pie, Don McLean~~

it's a wonder I survived the 70s at all, with all the American Pie clogging the radiowaves/brain cells...

4. ~~Without You, Nilsson~~
5. ~~Candy Man, Sammy Davis Jr.~~
6. ~~I Gotcha, Joe Tex~~
7. Lean On Me, Bill Withers
8. ~~Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me, Mac Davis~~
9. ~~Brand New Key, Melanie~~
10. ~~Daddy Dont You Walk So Fast, Wayne Newton~~
11. Let's Stay Together, Al Green
12. ~~Brandy (You're A Fine Girl), Looking Glass~~
13. ~~Oh Girl, Chi-Lites~~
14. ~~Nice To Be With You, Gallery~~
15. My Ding-A-Ling, Chuck Berry
16. ~~If Loving You Is Wrong I Don't Want To Be Right, Luther Ingram~~
17. Heart Of Gold, Neil Young
18. ~~Betcha By Golly, Wow, Stylistics~~
19. I'll Take You There, Staple Singers
20. ~~Ben, Michael Jackson~~
21. The Lion Sleeps Tonight, Robert John
22. Outa-space, Billy Preston
23. Slippin' Into Darkness, War
24. Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress), Hollies
25. How Do You Do, Mouth and MacNeal
27. ~~Song Sung Blue, Neil Diamond~~
28. ~~A Horse With No Name, America~~

have you noticed how many of the world's worst songs are on this list?

28. ~~Popcorn, Hot Butter~~
29. ~~Everybody Plays The Fool, Main Ingredient~~
30. ~~Precious And Few, Climax~~

... oh my god ...

31. ~~Last Night I Didn't Get To Sleep At All, 5th Dimension~~
32. ~~Nights In White Satin, Moody Blues~~
33. ~~Go All The Way, Raspberries~~

apparently I never listened too closely to these lyrics...imagine my surprise when I discovered that "baby, don't go away," was really "baby, go all the way"...eeew, the dirty old pervs...it was bad enough the way I heard it...

34. ~~Too Late To Turn Back Now, Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose~~
35. ~~Back Stabbers, O'Jays~~
36. ~~Down By The Lazy River, Osmonds~~
37. Sunshine, Jonathan Edwards
38. ~~Starting All Over Again, Mel and Tim~~
39. ~~Day After Day, Badfinger~~
40. Rocket Man, Elton John
41. Rockin' Robin, Michael Jackson
42. ~~Beautiful Sunday, Daniel Boone~~
43. ~~Scorpio, Dennis Coffey and The Detroit Guitar Band~~
44. Morning Has Broken, Cat Stevens

I will confess to liking this at the time, but as one of those highly intolerant, narrow-minded folks, I have found it really hard to like Cat's music ever since he went all jihad on Salman Rushdie's ass...

45. The City Of New Orleans, Arlo Guthrie

I liked the version by Steve Goodman, who wrote the song, much better...but as Steve said, Arlo would be putting his kids through college...

46. Garden Party, Rick Nelson

so sue me...

47. ~~I Can See Clearly Now, Johnny Nash~~
48. Burning Love, Elvis Presley
49. ~~Clean Up Woman, Betty Wright~~
50. Hold Your Head Up, Argent
51. ~~Jungle Fever, Chakachas~~
52. ~~Everything I Own, Bread~~
53. ~~In The Rain, Dramatics~~
54. ~~Look What You Done For Me, Al Green~~
55. ~~The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A., Donna Fargo~~
56. Bang A Gong (Get It On), T. Rex
57. Mother And Child Reunion, Paul Simon
58. ~~Where Is The Love, Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway~~
59. I'm Still In Love With You, Al Green
60. Layla, Derek and The Dominos
61. ~~Day Dreaming, Aretha Franklin~~
62. ~~The Way Of Love, Cher~~
63. Black And White, Three Dog Night
64. Sylvia's Mother, Dr. Hook and The Medicine Show
65. ~~Hurting Each Other, Carpenters~~
66. Coconut, Nilsson
68. ~~Puppy Love, Donny Osmond~~
69. ~~You Don't Mess Around With Jim, Jim Croce~~
70. Hot Rod Lincoln, Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen
71. ~~A Cowboy's Work Is Never Done, Sonny and Cher~~
72. ~~Joy, Apollo 100~~
73. ~~Anticipation, Carly Simon~~
74. Never Been To Spain, Three Dog Night
75. ~~Kiss An Angel Good Morning, Charlie Pride~~
76. School's Out, Alice Cooper
77. ~~Saturday In The Park, Chicago~~
78. ~~Drowning In The Sea Of Love, Joe Simon~~
79. Use Me, Bill Withers
80. Family Affair, Sly and The Family Stone
81. ~~Troglodyte, Jimmy Castor Bunch~~
82. The Witch Queen Of New Orleans, Redbone
83. ~~Freddie's Dead, Curtis Mayfield~~
84. ~~Power Of Love, Joe Simon~~
85. ~~Ain't Understanding Mellow, Jerry Butler and Brenda Lee Eager~~
86. Taxi, Harry Chapin
87. ~~Don't Say You Don't Rememeer, Beverly Bremers~~
87. Sealed With A Kiss, Bobby Vinton
88. ~~I Saw The Light, Todd Rundgren~~
89. ~~Motorcycle Mama, Sailcat~~
90. ~~Day By Day, Godspell Soundtrack~~
91. Roundabout, Yes
92. Doctor My Eyes, Jackson Browne
93. I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing, New Seekers

I have no idea whether this was the version I heard...or if it was #97...why were there two? did I like them both? or did I just like coke?

94. ~~Vincent / Castles In The Air, Don Mclean~~
95. ~~Baby Let Me Take You (In My Arms), Detroit Emeralds~~
96. ~~Speak To The Sky, Rick Springfield~~
97. I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing, Hillside Singers
98. ~~Walking In The Rain With The One I Love, Love Unlimited~~
99. ~~Good Foot, Pt. 1, James Brown~~
100. Pop That Thang, Isley Bros

yeah, pop that thang...

Woot

2005-08-10T21:36:00.000-07:00

Nothing wild and wonderful to report here in the land of YourMomitude, but I did see something amusing this past weekend whilst visiting in Phoenix. In a photo directory (recent issue) of a local church, one of my young'uns spotted a family with some cleverly named children. Boy and girl, Cash and Kari. Extra credit for those inspired parents.

While I'm At It...

2005-07-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

...the results of a few more little testies/quizzies. On the "how American are you" quiz, I was declared 28% American. Fair enough. This notion seems to be supported by my result for the "what obsolete skill are you" quizzie:

You are 'French'. In the nineteenth century, it
was the international language of diplomacy.
It is a 'beautiful' language, meaning that it
is really just a low-fidelity copy of Latin.

You know the importance of communicating
'diplomatically', which for you means both
being polite and friendly when necessary and
using sophisticated, vicious sarcasm when
appropriate. Your life is guided by either
existentialism or nihilism, depending on the
weather. You have a certain appreciation for
the finer things in life, which is a diplomatic
way of saying that you are a disgusting
hedonist. Your problem is that French has been
obsolete for a long time.

What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What a Relief

2005-07-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

According to this wise and useful quizzie, I am not a mature adult after all.

You Are 24 Years Old

24

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Old, Lame

2005-07-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

As StinkyLuLu sez, going this long between posts is just wrong. Unless no one reads them, in which case I think one is entitled to lengthy hiatuses (hiati?). Given that, entitled r us.

So, your mom has been reeling from the rapid onslaught of old age for some months now. At least since her most recent birthday, nearly a year ago. Does her profile say she's 50? No? Well if she wasn't so bashful, it would. And all those things everyone says about midlife crises are true. Your life's half over (best case), you have accomplished nothing, you look like hell...you are a sinking ship in the vast ocean. Sometimes you still feel 18, but you're 18 stuck in the rotting shell of a dumpy housefrau.

Occasionally one takes comfort in knowing how others are holding up. Or not. Random people in grocery stores are fair game for comparison...like the lady in produce, who appears to be "about your age," but has clearly spent a few too many days on the back of a Harley with no sunscreen....or the guy over by the eggs, who has enough extra hair growing out of his ears to create a stunning combover....or the woman in line to check out, who looks FABULOUS! Her cart no doubt contains a couple of cartons of yogurt and some celery. She probably stopped at the store on her way home from the gym. I'm sure she works quite hard at it. Bitch.

The other day I stumbled upon someone's profile on IMDb, some celebrity who was born in 1954, just like your mom, and took a few moments to peruse the list of folks who arrived that year. I have assembled a representative sampling of the state we, earth's class of '54, are in.

Howard Stern (January 12)
Robert Kennedy Jr. (January 17)
Cindy Sherman (January 19)
Oprah Winfrey (January 29)
Billy Mumy (February 1)
Christie Brinkley (February 2)
Jade East (February 6)
Matt Groening (February 15)
John Travolta (February 18)
Patricia Hearst (February 20)
Michael Bolton (February 26)
Ron Howard (March 1)
Catherine O'Hara (March 4)
Robin Duke (March 13)
Robert Carradine (March 24)
Donna Pescow (March 24)
Annette O'Toole (April 1)
Jackie Chan (April 7)
Dennis Quaid (April 9)
Anne Lamott (April 10)
Peter MacNicol (April 10)
Ellen Barkin (April 16)
Roddy Piper (April 17)
Rick Moranis (April 18)
Michael Moore (April 23)
Jerry Seinfeld (April 29)
Jane Campion (April 30)
Pia Zadora (May 4)
Harvey Fierstein (June 6)
James Belushi (June 15)
Kathleen Turner (June 19)
Freddie Prinze (June 22)
Ricky Skaggs (July 18)
Al Roker (August 20)
Corbin Bernsen (September 7)
Peter Scolari (September 12)
Shari Belafonte (September 22)
Barry Williams (September 30)
Lorraine Bracco (October 2)
Al Sharpton (October 3)
Stevie Ray Vaughan (October 3)
Scott Bakula (October 9)
Lauren Tewes (October 26)
Godzilla (November 3)
Adam Ant (November 3)
Kathy Kinney (November 3)
Rickie Lee Jones (November 8)
Yanni (November 14)
Condoleezza Rice (November 14)
Kathleen Quinlan (November 19)
Bruce Hornsby (November 23)
Joel Coen (November 29)
June Pointer (November 30)
Stone Phillips (December 2)
Jermaine Jackson (December 11)
Chris Evert (December 21)
Annie Lennox (December 25)
Denzel Washington (December 28)

Now there's some real range. Who knew Godzilla and Condoleeza were of the same vintage? Similarly frightening, yes, but the same age? And Yanni? Barry Williams? What fine company to be in. A few make your mom feel ok about where she is (thank you Harvey). And though I am even more obscure than Lauren Tewes, and less successful financially than Jade East, it is indeed comforting to know that others, even the much-wealthier-than-thou folks, are on the same sinking ship.

Send help.

I don't know about y'all...

2005-06-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

...but I have been enjoying The Onion Radio News lately. Now I want every entire issue read to me by announcerman Doyle Redland.

Pillows and Candles

2005-06-05T20:38:00.000-07:00

I happened to catch an interview this afternoon on CNN, whatever the money show is called, with a woman who has written a book about why we, the wimminfolk, are still way behind men in such things as salaries. Turns out it's because we spend our money on pillows and candles. Huh. Who knew.

Apparently I don't like to write things myself...

2005-05-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

But I do like to link. So here's a fun tidbit: today's Borowitz Report.

BUSH TWINS CUT SHORT MIDEAST TRIP
Arab World Gives Thumbs Down to Spring Break-themed Diplomatic Mission

Just days after First Lady Laura Bush was heckled during her diplomatic mission to the Middle East, Bush twins Barbara and Jenna Bush cut short a Middle Eastern trip of their own as the White House acknowledged that sending the fun-loving twins to the volatile region was "a really bad idea."

The twins embarked earlier in the week on their diplomatic journey, which was to take them to Jordan, Saudi Arabia and Egypt, amid high hopes from the White House that the Arab world would fall in love with the president's high-spirited daughters.

Calling their trip "a mission to bring the fun and wild times of Spring Break to the Middle East," Jenna Bush told reporters upon arriving in Cairo, "We are going to show you Arabs how to party down, and I guarantee that this party will be off the hook!"

But the tour, which was jointly underwritten by the Halliburton Company and Michelob, hit a speed bump on its very first stop, when Barbara Bush's call to make Wednesday night Ladies' Night across the Middle East received harsh rebukes from political and religious leaders throughout the region.

Acknowledging that the Bush twins' Middle Eastern foray was an unmitigated fiasco, the White House said it would continue to reach out to the Arab world by dispatching two new American diplomats, Nascar driver Jeff Gordon and singer Kid Rock.

Elsewhere, John Bolton's bid to become the next ambassador to the United Nations suffered a setback today when People Magazine named him "Angriest Man Alive."

Yes, yes...long time no update....

2005-05-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

You'd think with all the wild and exciting things that fill each and every one of my days, I would have many fascinating tidbits to share with my readers (reader?) on a regular basis. Obviously, I am just too engaged in the whirlwind that is my life. Or something.

But I did see a fabulously amusing item worth sharing today, courtesy my dear StinkyLu. Please check yesterday's entry on The Daily Fug, a rude yet scathingly brilliant foray into questionable fashion. While you're there, of course, do check the other entries. I should probably just put a darn link to The Daily Fug on my boy howdy links, but as one who could easily be featured on their parade of fugliness, if only I were more famous, I see a potential conflict of conscience.

Perhaps Another Chance for a Close Call

2005-05-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

So, the Stones are going on tour again. Some people find this remarkable...or embarassing. Good grief, the boys are only in their 60s. It's not like they're dead.

I have a long history of almost seeing the Rolling Stones in concert. Some might call them near misses...don't ya love that term: near miss? It's often used to describe an event where two small planes or some cars or whatever narrowly avoid colliding, or crashing into a nuclear reactor... an accident that almost happened, which is to say it was actually a complete miss. But I digress. Anyway, in this case, a consistent series of unfortunate and/or amusing events has come between me and the old boys since the 70s. And there's no reason to stop that now. Not that I'd be likely to go, since the nearest venues are Phoenix and Denver. I know folks who've driven to Denver to see concerts (you know who you are, my dear children), but I'm apparently not all that dedicated. I do applaud their tenacity, however. I read somewhere that their last tour brought in around 88 million dollars. In which case, why would you ever stop touring? Old age is expensive.

Cinco de HoldTheMayo

2005-05-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

I forgot to wish everyone a happy Star Wars Day yesterday (May the 4th be with you). Hope it was swell for one and all.

The sun has come out Up North, finally, so things are improving. One unfortunate development: the Culver's signs I have passed have altered the way they display the flavor of the day, no longer providing good fodder for my collection. Sad. But the search continues.

Cheese, Fireworks, Gifts

2005-05-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

Thoughts of the day:

I need an updater monkey.

It is freezing here in Illisconsin. Freezing, truly.

Gas is 20 cents less in Belvidere than in ABQ. Y'all come on up and get you some.

Food Pyramid, Nicely Summed Up

2005-04-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

Today's installment of "What Do You Think?" from The Onion...

This Just In:

2005-04-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

"Judge Not!" or "Two Branches of Government Should Be More Than Enough for Anyone"

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Get Back On The Airwaves...

2005-04-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

...reality TV strikes again. Talk about boring television. Luckily, every time the Baptists hold a convention, or the Mormon elders assemble to pretend they have a new prophet, or the Methodists do whatever they do, network TV does not feel compelled to cover each and every fascinating moment, live. Not that they can cover every moment of the continuing saga of papal pomp and circumstance, but rest assured your trusty networks will bring you as much of the high drama as they can. This morning, while watching the Today show, NBC cut in with a special news report. Foolishly, I thought perhaps some news had occurred. Not so much. For the next, what - 40 minutes? they pointed their cameras at the slow-moving procession (indeed, even the slow lining-up of the cardinals for the procession), then followed each sedate step to the Sistine Chapel. But the fun didn't stop there. During the long walk, we were treated to a tenor and boys' choir rendition of The Litany of the Saints, chanted one by one, the same quasi-musical phrase repeated over and over until they ran out of saints' names, and finally switched to a slightly different "melody." And folks think old-time tunes are repetitive. Geez. It was about 15 minutes of repetition-of-the-saints, with close-ups of the plodding parade, then a slow scramble for seats (ok, so it was an orderly crawl). THEN we were able to see the fellers get back up and begin the slow procession to the center of the room for step one of the holy oath of secrecy. I should like to point out that while we were feasting our eyes on the mostly-red-costumed cardinals in their festive chapeaux (more on that in a minute), we were "inside" the freaking Sistine Chapel. How hard would it have been to show an occasional decent view of the ceiling, or the walls? A few brief moments were spent doing one long shot, showing the end with "The Last Judgment," while the Archbishop who was providing a bit of voice-over commentary alluded to the other walls, suggesting that the one representing the old testament (old testament - represent!!) and the one respresenting the new testament combined to reflect "the history of salvation." Huh? (Which reminded me of the brown-robe-clad "Brother Somebody" who claimed to speak on behalf of the Schindler family outside Teri Schiavo's hospice, who declared that what was happening inside was "the tsunami of euthanasia." I had to award him extra credit for that one.) Eventually, I guess even the network decided that enough was enough, and let us go back to our secular programming. Fortunately, shortly thereafter the Today show ran a piece about the conclave, but focusing only marginally on the cardinals and the voting process, and mostly on the Sistine's paintings, so all was not lost.

The one high point of the network coverage: close-ups of the cardinal costumes. But where is the fashion commentary when we need it? I was on the edge of my seat waiting for an explanation for why one was wearing a black robe and cape. And who decides whether the white gown beneath has piping, or applique, or elaborate lace? Does each cardinal choose his own fashion statement? A couple of them had more lace than my mother's old tablecloth. Are those guys just more in touch with their feminine sides? I do hope some of the upcoming reports, especially once the cameras are no longer allowed inside and the networks are desperate for any possible conclavitude they can come up with, will answer some of these questions.

And for another glimpse into the goings-on in the conclave:

Today's Borowitz Report:

CARDINALS DEADLOCKED OVER LUNCH ORDER
'That Thai Place' Ruled Out

The papal conclave hit a speed bump in its very first day as cardinals convening in Vatican City became deadlocked over which restaurant to order takeout from, sources said.

While the deliberations behind the walls of the Sistine Chapel are traditionally shrouded in secrecy, when the clock struck at 2 PM and no food had yet arrived, rumors circulated that the cardinals were bitterly split over where to order their lunch.

According to one insider, approximately half the cardinals in attendance were in favor of some form of Chinese takeout, while the other half favored a more unconventional choice, a tapas restaurant that recently opened in the neighborhood and that several prominent cardinals reportedly said "looked interesting."

Those familiar with the often heated discussions over the lunch order said that the dean of the College of Cardinals, Joseph Ratzinger, 78, tried to rein in the number of choices right off the bat by ruling out a restaurant he referred to only as "that Thai place."

Complicating the debate, one source said, was the fact that so many local eateries have been slipping their takeout menus under the Vatican's front door, defying a clearly posted sign warning against such a practice.

"There is some hope that sushi will emerge as a consensus choice, but that remains to be seen," the source said, "Compared to this, choosing a pope is going to be a snap."

Elsewhere, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay said that he is so confident he will win his ethics fight that he just doubled his family's salary.

Why Don't I Update This Thing?

2005-04-17T23:08:00.000-07:00

Seriously. wtf?

Who Knew? (A Cat-Shooting Update)

2005-04-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

From the MSNBC newsdesk:

"At least two other upper Midwestern states, South Dakota and Minnesota, allow wild cats to be shot — and have for decades. Minnesota defines a wild, or feral, cat as one with no collar that does not show friendly behavior..."

Just imagine the possiblities if we could extend that to humans who do not exhibit friendly behavior. Squirt guns might be best for the initial phase...give folks a chance to mend their unfriendly ways and paste a smile on their sullen faces.

Balancing the Dumb News: Betty Bowers Latest Newsletter....click here

2005-04-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

Dumb News of the Day

2005-04-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

Early this morning on the local news update during the Today Show, I heard a teaser for a later newscast about some state that was considering a move to legalize shooting stray and/or feral cats. They didn't mention the name of the state in the teaser, of course, and though I was only partially awake when I heard the blurb, I naturally started entertaining ideas of which state would stoop so low. Montana? Wyoming? Idaho? Alaska?? I was picturing some lightly poplulated, wild-west-mentality place, with high per-capita gun ownership, etc.... Later on when I heard the actual story, well, you coulda knocked me over with a feather. The state in question is: Wisconsin. Now, I'm not technically from WI, but growing up 20 miles south of the state line, I kinda considered myself a border child, and felt it was my prerogative to ally myself with either place. Since my county, and those surrounding mine, were blatantly conservative (my hometown newspaper was the Daily Republican), I took comfort in what I thought was a fairly progressive, thoughtful, and decidedly more liberal wisdom across the border. Well. I haven't lived there in many years, so perhaps things have changed a bit. Everyplace seems to be reverting to redneck ethics lately...why the heck not Wisconsin, eh? Let's shoot come cats!

Another dumb thing: Bush's Playlist. A couple of thankfully brief articles in the NYTimes brought news of W's iPod playlist, cuz, you know, we're all desperate to see what our favorite celebrities are listening to. Apparently there's a fair amount of George Jones and Alan Jackson, no surprise, and "My Sharona." I worry that he will lapse into a chorus during one of his brilliant speeches. On the other hand, maybe that would be a good thing.

Things That Make Mama Sad

2005-04-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

So, Friday night, in an attempt to be a good sport, I agreed to attend a late-opening-night screening of Sin City. Anyone who knows me is well aware that Quentin Tarantino makes me sad. Knowing that he was involved with Sin City made the choice of movies particularly unappealing, but as I said, I was trying to be a good sport. And I was holding out hope that the Rodriguez elements would be less horrible. Instead, it would seem that Rodriguez is out to match or surpass his idol Tarantino's now-standard depraved brutality.

Yes, Sin City is stylish, but it's not especially new style (A-Ha did it better in their video of Take on Me way back in '85). It's digitally filmed, part live-action/part animation, black and white with occasional, specific color -- big sad/sexy eyes are green or blue, the blood is mostly red (and there's no shortage). A few scenes are visually stunning, but the comic-book-brought-to-life effect isn't compelling enough to compensate for a completely dead feel throughout, and the constant post-gratuitous violence. All the women in the movie are prostitutes, though they will no doubt be described as "strong women" by folks who want to sidestep the glaring reality behind the wimmin-folks' weaponry. Yes, they are "allowed" to control their inner-city neighborhood (Old Town, watch out), but only because of certain service-related arrangements they've made with the cops, the mob, even the clergy. Many are as violent as the men, in fact their sexuality is inextricably bound to their violence (ooh, it's hot when babes can disembowel), but the girls don't call any of the shots. They are of a low caste, confined to a neighborhood/ghetto always on the verge of violent management change.

Listening to people laugh, on cue, during all the gruesome moments, just makes me feel sick. I do realize there are lots of reasons why people laugh at inappropriate things. I study sick joke cycles; I get it. But despite all the "personal responsibility" arguments that advance the opinion that movies/music/TV/video games/etc. don't cause good people to do bad things, it seems bloody obvious that the numbing effect of this kind of sick violence and mysogyny can't help. And the bravado of the punks standing outside following the film, as I awaited the emergence of my date from the men's room, should surprise no one, and worry everyone. A small group of fans I overheard were discussing their need to "go beat somebody up" to round out an entertaining evening. Yay.

Required Reading: Betty Bowers reviews the Terri Schiavo Show

2005-03-28T23:47:00.000-08:00

Today's reading assignment: another scathingly brilliant look at our current cultural climate by America's Best Christian. Click link below. Please.

Mrs. Betty Bowers on Real Reality TV

Good Old Right-Wing Nut-Job Bashing, Woohoo!

2005-03-22T19:22:00.000-08:00

I'm rediscovering a number of things now that I have my evenings free again, and among the most rewarding: THE DAILY SHOW! I had completely forgotten to even record it for the past couple months. Fine liberal wiener I am.

Also...

2005-03-12T17:44:00.000-08:00

Since there is now something to actually read on here, I feel compelled to change the color scheme, so as not to torture any potential readers with that dizzying white on black stuff.

So, here's some whining...

2005-03-12T17:23:00.000-08:00

I was thinking that one thing I could do with this blog is complain about stupid language usage, especially as it is now time to grade final papers...and since, in general, I like to complain about such things...

So, this afternoon I was watching a how-to-play-acoustic-bass video, trying not to bleed too heavily whilst holding down those big-as-your-arm strings, and I hear the guy say something about the HEIGHTH of the string above the fingerboard...and I'm thinking, please oh please don't say heighth, because it isn't really a word, and just encourages people to say it wrong, grumblegrumblegrumble... A little later, just to make myself feel better/smart/holier-than-him, I looked it up on the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, where you can also hear pronunciations of the words. I noticed there were 2 little speaker icons, meaning 2 pronunciations to be heard, and was ever so depressed to hear the second of the two sound like something entirely too close to HEIGHTH. This is not OK. Is this an example of the language officially changing because of common, yet WRONG, usage? Or has that always (whatever that means) been an acceptable variant? Oh dear, I so hope not. My world has been shaken. Not stirred.

Well, OK, maybe just a little...

2005-02-03T22:07:00.000-08:00

Although I don't know what.

Nope, not a thing...

2005-01-22T13:31:00.000-08:00

Break it up folks, move along, nothing to see here...